My Battle with "Stuff"

I sometimes get so tired of stuff.

I get overwhelmed with stuff.

None of it is inherently bad, but this stuff still manages to make me feel a bit neurotic at times.

I want to get rid of some of this stuff.

I want to simplify all this stuff.

If it were just me, I like to think I wouldn't have all this stuff, but it's not just me. It's US and WE have a lot of STUFF.

Right now I'm cleaning out a lot of boy stuff because rumor has it that baby #4 is a girl. We do, however, still have a lot of baby girl stuff and some gender neutral baby stuff.

Then there are the toys, and games, and puzzles, and books and all the stuff that comes with kids. Not to mention the socks, and shoes, and clothes, and hair bows, and sports stuff.

Let's not even look at my side of the closet, because there's stuff that I can wear when I'm not pregnant, then all the stuff that I'm wearing at various stages of pregnancy, and the stuff that I'll need after the baby is born (if you've never had a baby in your house, you wouldn't believe some of it if I told you).

The love of my life might like to say that he doesn't keep stuff unless he uses it, and that is why he still occasionally wears a t-shirt that he got in 1988 (yes, he was in elementary school then).

There are days that I feel like backing a large truck in front of my house, tossing all the stuff into the back of it, and starting over with nothing.

I've been making somewhat frequent trips to Goodwill. I consign and give away stuff at regular times during the year.

Do you need some stuff? I may start selling it off by the pound in the near future.

Problem or Person?

I was listening to a lecture recently and the speaker asked a simple question, but it is one that has continued to work its way into my thoughts often.

"When your child is not doing what you want or expect him to do, do you see him as a problem or a person?"

If I'm honest, when accomplishing my agenda on my timeline is the goal, I'll most likely view anyone that interferes with or delays my plan as "the problem".

However, when I can loosen the hold on my ideas of how and when things should happen, then I typically get to enjoy the people that are involved in my plans a whole lot more.

I'm praying to change my perspective. I do want to enjoy the little girl that goes to her room after breakfast to get dressed, make her bed, and brush her teeth, but somehow "forgets" to do at least two of the three things that are part of her morning responsibilities every day. I want to treasure the little boy with a stubborn streak (we really have no idea where that came from) who sometimes decides that he doesn't want to do school or go with the rest of the family to an event or put away his clothes. I want my face to "light up" when I see the little girl with one dimple, even when she pulled out her hair bow for the fourteenth time this hour or I'm getting her out of the carseat and her shoes and socks are off...AGAIN.

I can offer my children correction and discipline while seeing them as the image-bearing individuals that they are, not an obstacle in my path or a problem to be solved.

Growing up and remaining "like a child"

I struggle.

Often.

Daily.

Hourly.

Moment by moment.

I'm seeking the delicate balance between maturing and staying childlike.

I'm not one of those 30-somethings that's trying to relive my high school and college years, acting childish in a more mature body. That's not what I'm talking about at all.

I'm talking about my faith and spirit. I want to "grow up" and mature, but also maintain the belief, hope, and wonder of a child that hasn't known disappointment and disillusionment.

"That's a project we could do."

I have a confession.

I'm often a bit unrealistic when it comes to projects.

I'm not one of those people that thinks I can re-tile the entire bathroom, because let's face it, I have no experience in laying tile.

The projects that I'm more likely to attempt are the things that professionals make "look easy".

For example, early in our marriage Rachel Ray convinced me that I could actually create a "30 minute meal" in 30 minutes. This was before I had children and there were very few distractions in our lives, but it somehow managed to take me 2.5 hours to complete this quick meal. Thanks, Ray-Ray.

Before Nicholas was born, I thought, instead of spending more than $100 for a 4.5 foot crown molding shelf to hang in his room, we could easily build one for a lot less. They did it on HGTV and it was simple. Eric says this is one of those projects that I sometimes choose to test strengthen our marriage. Needless to say, trying to cut crown at the proper angle, using a miter box and handsaw, wasn't quite as quick and easy as the guy on HGTV with his miter saw made it look. We did get a GREAT shelf out of it, but during the process I thought we may be using the money we saved on the shelf to pay for some couples' counseling.

There was also the really ugly dresser and mirror combo that I found on Craigslist and decided we could sand and refinish for an inexpensive entry table. After removing the fixtures, repairing a drawer, sanding, priming, and painting with 2 coats of paint, buying wire cable and attaching it to the back of the mirror, then finding a stud and appropriate screws to hold the crazy-heavy mirror on the wall, it was finally finished. There weren't any tears with that one, but definitely some mutterings and questions about "Why is this a good idea?" (In case you're wondering, we both agreed that it turned out really well.)

Thankfully, I've become more realistic about what we're capable of and I've also found the Rethunk Junk lady that's not too far away, for the things that I have ideas for, but can't execute on my own.

Narnia...so much to love

Nicholas and I started reading the Chronicles of Narnia last summer, just before he turned five. While the girls were napping we would sit together on the bed and read a chapter a day to begin his "quiet time".

At some point in the series, "The Chronicles" became bedtime reading for Nicholas and Mackenzie. Playing Narnia became a regular activity around our house, complete with costumes and weaponry.

Then, last night, when I returned from teaching English class, I walked into a dark bedroom and two little people greeted me with, "Mommy...you're not going to believe this."
"Yeah, Mommy."
"It is SO exciting! We finished The Last Battle!! And you know what? Everyone is in Aslan's country!"
"Yeah! EVERYONE! From all the stories!"
"Polly and Digory and Peter and Edmund and Lucy and Eustace and Jill and even Reepicheep! Isn't that SO exciting?!"
"And Mommy, Susan isn't there because she doesn't believe about Narnia anymore, but everyone else is there."
"And they looked in a window and waved to their mom and dad 'cause they're at England, but not the old England a new England. And Aslan's country is like Narnia, but everything is BETTER than at Narnia!"
"Yeah, like food is better and the grass and sky and everything is BETTER!"
"So now we're all done and we don't have anything else to read so I guess tomorrow night we'll just have to start all over with The Magician's Nephew. Right, Mommy?"

The stories are THAT good. I must admit that when we started reading I thought it was way more than they could comprehend and without illustrations it wouldn't keep their attention.

I was wrong.

They didn't experience the books the way that their Daddy or I did as we were reading them.

They don't care about the various literary parallels and references so we didn't dream of ruining their enjoyment by "dissecting" it all.

They heard a good story.

They met characters that they can relate to.

They saw "real" examples of honesty, loyalty, and courage.

They found siblings and friends working together to overcome evil and encourage each other in goodness.

And so, together, we were able to enjoy the love of words well written. Now we all live a little better because of the lessons we learned in Narnia.

Why we homeschool, for now...

I must begin by saying that 10 years ago, with a degree in education, I never would have thought that I would become a homeschooling mom. Even 5 years ago, after our first child was born, I really didn't consider it. Now, here we are, nearing the end of our first full year of "at home school", as my children call it.

Some people are curious when they find out we homeschool. Some just think it's odd. Some are very excited and encouraging.

There are several reasons we've decided that it's what is best for our family right now. Here are a few (in no particular order):

VALUES-We want our children to know their own value and how to value others. We want them to love God and love others. We want them to act with kindness and honesty. I'm not saying that these things are not taught in schools (public or private), but I know that we can hold our children more accountable to these things when they have more one on one time with an adult that encourages these attitudes and actions.

RELATIONSHIPS-I know that many critics are concerned about a "lack of socialization" for homeschoolers. I also know that family, especially sibling, relationships are some of the longest lasting relationships a person can have. I want these relationships to be healthy. I like that all three of my children play well together. I'm glad that our schedule allows my children to spend time with their grandparents, because they are a wealth of information that simply isn't available in a traditional classroom setting. A walk through the woods with Grandpa pointing out various birds and trees, morning stretches with Halabeoji, Korean children's songs and dances with Halmoni, and stories from Nana are all priceless. These are teachable moments with some of life's best teachers. I don't want the kids to miss out on this time and these people.

ACADEMICS-I've taught in a traditional classroom setting. Ideally, I wanted to provide every student with the opportunity to reach his or her potential. Realistically, it didn't happen. If I knew a student was struggling with a concept, I couldn't slow everyone down to help that student "get it" before we moved on. If I knew a student had mastered a concept, I couldn't move on and leave the rest of the class behind to keep the student engaged and challenged. The reality is, in a class of 20+ students, you have to teach to the middle, and with curriculum "standards" in place, teachers are pressured to cover a certain amount of content within the school year. At home, with one-on-one instruction, when I see that my child is struggling, we can take more time. When he "gets it" quickly, we can move on. The curriculum works for him instead of against him.

TIME-There are plenty of things that demand our time and I want to be more intentional about how we spend our days. If we were sending our kindergartner to the local public school, he'd be getting on a bus at 6:55am. This is my child that requires 12 good hours of sleep each night. If I wanted to put him on the bus fully dressed, fed, and having brushed teeth/washed face, I'd need to wake him around 6:15am. With his sleep needs, that means bedtime would be 6:15pm. This would mean that most days of the week he wouldn't spend any time with Daddy, not even a bedtime story, and we're not okay with that right now. He's a little boy and time with Daddy is more valuable to us than time spent with 18 other 5-6 year old kids.

Another note about time, a lot of the traditional school day is spent in "transition". I taught in a junior high school where the students' school day was from 8am-3pm. This was an academically strong school in a high-ranking system. There were seven, one-hour periods a day. Ten minutes of first period was for homeroom (attendance, announcements, morning news, etc.) There was a 5 minute break between each class for class change/locker break (30 minutes total). One hour a day was for lunch and study hall. Consider that each teacher probably spent 3-5 minutes at the beginning and end of class with an opening and closing transition, maybe attendance, collecting homework, giving homework, etc..(We'll say 5 minutes per class if everyone was concise and efficient=30 minutes for the day.) Also consider that each class may have had one disruption or interruption that required the teacher to stop academic instruction (let's say 2 minutes or less x 6 classes=12 minutes total). At the end of the day there were additional announcements that took about 5 minutes before the final bell. Now if you add all the "transition" time up, it's about 2.5 hours. The kids are at school for 7 hours. About 4.5 hours could be considered academic instructional time. This is why some homeschoolers are finished with school by lunch.

I'm not saying that everyone should homeschool. I'm also not saying that I'm devoted to homeschooling exclusively until my children go to college. I am saying that this is what works for our family now. I think it is what is best for MY children now.

The Birth Videos

No we don't have videos that show all the graphic details of each child's birth and even if we did there's no way I'd post them for public consumption. We do, however, have footage of each child just moments after birth and this week I've been watching them.

Why?

Since our three know that another baby is on the way they've become curious about when they were "in mommy's tummy" and "when I first got out of your tummy". There have recently been many requests for the "Baby Annie" story, or the "Baby Mackenzie" story, or the "Baby Oppa" (Korean word for big brother) story. So this week, with the telling of the stories, we've added evening video clips.

Monday night was Nicholas, with his labored breathing and tiny cries after being delivered at 36 weeks via a C-section. There were expressions of concern at the IV taped to the back of his hand and the sensor on his tummy to monitor his heart rate while in the NICU. The girls furrowed brows during diaper changes and his first bath. There were a lot of questions about why he was crying.

Tuesday night it was Mackenzie, delivered by VBAC just days before her due date. A MUCH louder cry and much more responsive arms and legs moving about during diaper changes and bath. There were still furrowed brows and many of the same questions about why she cried so much. With the second video, there was also the fun of trying to understand what 22-month-old Nicholas was trying to say, which left all three kids laughing.

Tonight was Annie's night. I think she was most excited about seeing her own movie, but quickly became most concerned at her own baby cries. She was glad when all the crying was over and Daddy had her cozy on his chest. Then "little Oppa" and "little Unni" (I know that's an oxymoron for any Korean readers out there) came in and lightened the mood, so all was well again.

As I sit with them they watch with attentive eyes, waiting to see what's next. I watch with memories of what those days and hours and moments were like then and amazement at where we all are now.