Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Sunday, August 28, 2011

So soft



"She's so soft," he says as he gently strokes her cheek, and hair, and hands. "Why is she so soft? I'm not so soft. Annie is still soft and Mackenzie is a little soft, but I'm not very soft."

"She's still very new. Her skin is new and hasn't been changed or damaged by the sun or swimming pool or other stuff in the environment."

"I like how soft she is," he says, his six-year-old voice almost a whisper.

Me, too. I know that it won't last, this softness, this tenderness, this sensitivity to every sort of stimulation.

It is the nature of our world; the nature of life; the nature of experience.

Over time we lose our "softness". We lose our sensitivity. We become more rough, more hardened, and it changes us.

I silently pray again to be a little more like my children...to view the world with simplicity, to hear and receive God's word without doubt, to love with abandon, to laugh uncontrollably, to dance any time and any place just for pure joy, to hug with all my might, and to forgive quickly without long-term recall of wrongs committed against me.

I want to regain, or maintain, some of the softness.

Friday, August 5, 2011

I Love You More...

I love you more than a kitchen floor without crumbs.

I love you more than clean clothes folded and put away.

I love you more than straight pillows on the couch.

I love you more than a dry floor around the bathtub.

I love you more than dinner on the table at six.

I love you more than an uninterrupted phone conversation (or any conversation for that matter).

I love you more than getting somewhere on time.

I love you more than I can often describe and maybe more often than my actions show.

I pray that when you look back at our days together, you'll look back with grace. I pray that as you remember your childhood and me trying to keep our household running somewhat smoothly, you'll remember the love...not just the sweeping, cleaning, doing laundry, making appointments, rushing to avoid being late, kinds of things. I pray that you'll remember the way you make me laugh and smile and years from now when you think of the way my voice sounded, it won't be accompanied by a sigh of exasperation.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

On an anniversary

Nine years ago, today, I said, "I do" and "I will" to a tender present and an unknown future.

Here we are today, riding the current of the predictable and the unexpected, up and down, in the ocean that is "us".

I'm here, with words bubbling over, sometimes filling air that should be left empty, and you're there, beside me.

A relationship that started out with simple words scribbled on scraps of paper tacked to a bulletin board or tucked under a windshield wiper in a familiar parking lot, now so many words spoken and unspoken between us.

Once upon a time there were love letters and songs, long phone conversations and e-mails that told me that you loved me. Now there are the late night responses to a crying child, the offer to pick up dinner or meet at a restaurant, the help at bath time and bedtime, and the willingness to make breakfast for the "littles" so I can sleep in for just a bit longer.

Thank you for not just loving me with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Why he is "The One"

I sometimes think about who my parents or grandparents were before they were parents and grandparents. I wonder if my children might one day do the same. If they ever wonder, I want them to know why their Daddy is "the one" I chose.

He has a smile that says, "We can have fun together" and eyes that say, "I'm not just looking for fun."

He knows what he wants, and it seems that he always has. I once heard someone say that the job of an orthodontist is "to apply gentle, consistent pressure to create change" and I think that is how he lives life. I have never known him to forcefully rush into a situation and try to make everyone else adjust. He helps me to remember that chivalry is not a thing of the past.

He accepts me as I am, and yet with him, I want to be a better version of myself.

While we were dating, he encouraged me to go where God was leading, even when that meant spending a year away from him, on the other side of the world.

He has a heart for people, and a willingness to serve without expecting anything in return.

He is willing to sing with me, even when I sing off key. He is willing to dance with me, even when I step on his toes. He is willing to listen to me, even when I don't make any sense. He is willing to laugh with me, even when he doesn't really think things are as funny as I do. He is willing to hold me, even when I cry for reasons I can't put into words.

He lives up to his words in one of the earliest conversations we had, "I'm not like that. I'm different."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Papa

Some people have grandfathers that smell of Old Spice and tell tales like those of H.C. Andersen and C.S. Lewis. I'm not one of those people. My grandfathers are admirable men, but there aren't greeting cards available that capture just what you'd want to say on Father's Day. This is the gift I gave my Papa last Father's Day...

My Papa is a mechanic by trade. Not the kind of mechanic that went to a vocational school or had any sort of special training, but the kind that began learning, at a very young age, the way things worked by his own experience, using his own hands. 
 
He has strong hands, my Papa, full of skill, usually with a few bandage wrapped knuckles and grease around the fingernails, scarred from use and wrinkled with time. His hands have built countless engines, repaired carburetors and transmissions. They’ve built houses, sheds, and his very own garage. “Come here scootie, come see Papa for a minute,” he says as those rough hands lift small children onto his lap and hold them close so that he can tenderly hold the child’s hand in his own and brush the back of it against his ever-present chin stubble--which usually brings a smile to the child and always releases a grin from Papa.
He has clear blue eyes, my Papa, that glisten with sorrow when he hears of tragedy or speaks of the girl he loved for more than fifty years. They almost sparkle when he sees “the grandbabies” and seem to dance a little when he offers his standard greeting of, “Yeah, how ya’ doin’?”
He has a loud voice, my Papa, which might lead you to believe that his hearing is not so good, but you’d be wrong. Sitting on the front porch he can hear a car before it rounds the curve and tell you if it’s a “front-end-pull or back-end-push”, if it’s idling too high or too low, and if you say it’s “pinging, knocking, or rumbling,” he’ll know just what to do.
His ears aren’t just attuned to the problems associated with cars, but he also hears their drivers. From his garage he offers automotive repairs and his own brand of counseling. His words are direct and to the point, but I’ve found great value in really listening to what he says. It sometimes takes a little bit of translation or interpretation, but if you look just beneath the surface, there are valuable lessons to be learned from his advice.
“Once you make a bid, you gotta commit. Just keep the pedal down and don’t let up ‘til you get across,” he told me as I relayed the story of wanting to cross the median of a divided highway to avoid a major traffic jam. His words made me smile as I imagined the number of times he’d probably done this very thing. I understood that he meant don’t start something that you don’t intend to finish and once you’ve started, give it all you’ve got if you really want your efforts to succeed.
“You ought always have ya’ keys in ya’ pants pocket. That way, if ya’ got your pants on, you got your keys,” he explained to my brother after realizing he’d left his keys at someone’s house and couldn’t drive himself home. Papa’s words are true and seem quite obvious, but once again, there is vital information just beneath the surface. Be intentional, even with the obvious things. Be aware of your priorities and make sure you do what needs to be done in advance so that you’ll have the freedom to do what you want to do in the future.
“Keep a wrench or screwdriver, some WD-40 and a grease rag behind the driver’s seat” is a piece of advice that most of us heard as we got behind the wheel of our first car (most often one that frequently required the use of these items). Papa encourages us to be prepared for difficulties and be able to handle it, to some degree, on our own. He’s willing to pick you up on the side of the road somewhere and tow you back to the garage, but it’s always helpful if you have the required supplies behind the driver’s seat.
He has quite a heart, my Papa, that beats loyally after multiple surgeries and near death experiences that range from chain saw incidents to falling cars. His heart is filled with love for those he holds dear. It is the heart that makes him willing to help you out by cashing a check or making a run to the “parts house”, a heart that sometimes grumbles, but always loves and hopes for the best life has to offer us. A heart filled with devotion for family, good food, and Fords. And like any truly devoted man, he doesn’t compromise in his choice to continue loving, even when his words are sometimes harsh, his actions sharp or impatient, and his obvious disagreement with bad decisions we’ve made.
It’s like the way he wears coveralls over his Sunday clothes. The exterior may be a bit rough around the edges, but if you can get underneath it you’ll see what a fine man my Papa is.