I Wonder About You

Sometimes I wonder just who you are, bumping around inside of me.

I feel like I know you, and yet, we've never met.

You are mine and I am yours and we'll always somehow be a part of each other.

There are others, here on the outside, that belong to you, and you to them.

There is your Daddy. I'm pretty sure you know him already, because each evening as we lie in bed and he reads or we talk, you seem to do a little dance, or at least a series of calisthenics.

There are your siblings. They may be rather indistinguishable right now, but theirs are the voices you hear, muffled by my belly, calling greetings, "Hey, baby. It's Nicholas/Mackenzie/Annie. I love you." They ask me often what you might be doing "in there" and they regularly rub, poke, and push my belly to see if you'll reciprocate from within. Sometimes you startle them, when they're sitting close and we're reading a story, then suddenly you stretch or begin rhythmic hiccups. They giggle and wait for more, begging me to "get the baby to do it again".

I hope that you know just how much we look forward to seeing your face, hearing your voice, feeling your grasp. You are already ours, and we are already yours, but what we've shared so far is only a tiny part of what our stories will be together.

Pregnant Again

My belly is swollen and I've felt the first few bumps and flutters of another little person growing in my womb. Again I can't help but ask, "How is it that I am so blessed?"

Sure I'm exhausted most of the time. Certainly there are random aches as things stretch out again. Yes, I know I'll endure a crazy hot and humid Atlanta summer with an August due date.

I'm not complaining. I'm truly grateful for all of it (most of the time).

I know ladies that have been sick throughout their entire pregnancies, gaining only a few pounds because they simply couldn't eat much or when they did, it was almost immediately expelled. I know girls that spent weeks or months on bed rest, trying give their children a little more time to develop before entering this world. I know too many people that have tried for years to conceive and continue to be unsuccessful. I know too many women that had a due date, but never a birth date. I know others that delivered a baby that never breathed, or only lived a few hours, or days, or weeks.

Those are experiences I've never had personally. Experiences that hurt me to my core to think about. I don't want to rub salt into the wounds of those that know well the pains of a difficult pregnancy, delivery, or inability to conceive and carry a child to full term.

I am not gloating about my "easy" pregnancies.

I am amazed by the miracle that it is and humbled that I get to experience it again.