This is not permanent. This moment when I sit with tears and try to figure out just where we went wrong is temporary. The day was hopeful when it started, the mercies were new, and yet, here we are...
The boy child rebelious because he doesn't want to do school. He's disrupting the girls who are eager for this moment. Me lashing back anger in response to his defiance.
The girl that's growing longer and leaner, she drifts in thoughts and imaginings, making games for the baby when I want her to do math.
The one that's four now, she does her math alone while I try to find out what is really going on with her older brother.
I feel like, in this moment, all is lost. I'm failing miserably and flailing wildly, and I'm not sure how I'll regain control or if I should even try.
I know the truth...this is my calling. I was never promised easy, I was promised faithfulness rewarded.
I don't expect them to be perfect, but I want them to learn to work hard and with excellence. I want them to be kind to each other, respectful of authority, and to internalize what they've learned.
The goals are lofty. The family is human.
Some deep breaths, softly spoken prayers, and we try again.