Fantasy vs. Reality: Revelations from Disney (Part 2)

Picture with a Princess

Have you ever had the opportunity to meet someone that you admired from a distance? Maybe it was a celebrity, an author, a politician, a sports figure, a musician? When you were finally face to face with this person, how did you respond?

Last weekend, my three-year-old, Mackenzie, met some REAL princesses. Five real princesses, to be exact. While at Disney we decided to surprise the kids with some "Character Dining" experiences, so that each one could get a little extra time with some of their favorite characters. Mackenzie's dining experience was first.

As the hostess escorted us into the restaurant, we were "next in line" to meet Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. Mackenzie's eyes lit up with excitement and she immediately began to reach for a hand, or leg, or any part of a familiar person that she could hold to help calm the anxiety that comes when she meets someone new. She wasn't prepared to make the introductions alone and Daddy was holding the camera, so I walked forward with her. Annie, our not-quite-two-year-old, slept soundly on my shoulder.

Belle was gracious. She knelt down to talk with Mackenzie and listened carefully, trying to discern the whispers that only a Mommy or Daddy can translate into recognizable words. She made a clever comment that Annie must be Sleeping Beauty. Then we stood together and smiled as a photographer snapped a picture that would become a commemorative keepsake.

We enjoyed our meal. Just as dessert was served, the other princesses began making their trip through the dining area, stopping at each table to talk with starry-eyed girls. Mackenzie was excited and nervous at the same time. She would wiggle in her seat, unable to sit still as each princess came closer and closer to our table. Then she would be frozen in awe as each one stopped beside her chair and began to talk. It was such fun to watch.

Near the end of the meal, we received the photo that was taken when we entered the restaurant. I opened the folder. I looked at the photo. And as most women will, I began to scrutinize myself, not aloud, but the words were there, running through my mind as fast as the synapses could fire.

I continued to think about this photo throughout the day. I was reminded once again that, "I must continually choose between the pursuit of a fantasy or acceptance of reality."

If I choose the pursuit of a fantasy, in this situation, I'll be apt to make comments about the things that I view as my own imperfections. We've all heard women do this, whether while looking in the dressing room mirror, flipping through old photo albums, or watching home movies. "My hips look so wide...Does my stomach really hang over my pants like that?...My eyes are so small...My nose is too big...I should never wear a swimsuit again, EVER...Why did you let me wear that?...I look awful!" And the list could go on.

Then the reality sinks in. The words that I speak about myself now are the words that will play back in my daughter's mind as she gets older. She will receive plenty of messages from the media and her peers about what her positive and negative attributes are. The most consistent messages she receives will come from home. I must use my words responsibly because "the tongue has the power of life and death". One day, someone might say, "You remind me so much of your mom." I want my daughters to receive this as a positive. I don't want them to replay negative comments that I made about myself.

When I look at the picture with Belle now, I see it more clearly. Belle is a cartoon character. Cartoon characters don't age. Cartoon characters don't live. Belle went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up then stood in an air conditioned building before we met. I woke up and bathed 3 children, walked in the central Florida humidity, and stood in the sun for a few minutes before we met. Belle stands with shoulders back, hands posed, and a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. I stand leaning a little, one hand to support my own excited and nervous princess, one hand holding the sleeping child on my shoulder, and a smile that creases the corners of my eyes.

Fantasy may make a pretty picture, but reality makes life more enjoyable.

Fantasy vs. Reality: Revelations at Disney (Part 1)

Last weekend we took the kids to Disney World. It was their first trip ever, and my first time to go as a parent. It was filled with fun, excitement, and a bit of exhaustion.

I could spend time giving you a play by play of every event and activity we participated in, but one thought constantly made its way to the forefront in my mind, "In life, I must continually choose between the pursuit of a fantasy or acceptance of reality."

Please don't misunderstand. I am an idealist. I look for the best in people and circumstances. I am also a realist. I understand my own limits and have a firm grasp on the reality of human nature. It's the balance of seeing a Norman Rockwell Christmas painting, appreciating the ideal it captures, and embracing the reality of what Christmas is with my extended family (all the hurts, hang-ups, and habits that are attached to the individuals involved) and still finding joy in being together.

Now, back to Disney...When we began planning our trip to Disney, one image kept coming to my mind. I had discovered this photo on another blog and fallen in love. In the photo there are three sweet little girls with Mouseketeer Ears, sitting in front of Cinderella's castle with backs to the camera so that all you see is their closeness as the middle has her arms around each sister on the side. There is also an unworn pair of ears beside them, placed for the little sister that was growing then in their mother's womb. I thought, "How sweet it would be to have our own three children sitting with "ears" in front of the castle."

During our first day in the park, the kids noticed that other people were wearing "Mickey's ears" and my 5-year-old asked, "Daddy, can we get a hat with ears?" I was thrilled! I thought, "We're going to have a great picture in front of the castle, too!"

As we walked into the nearest gift shop, the kids discovered just how many different hats you can get at Disney. I was drawn to the simply classic "ears" thinking of the iconic photo I had fantasized about.

The kids were not interested.

My son had discovered a Goofy hat and his decision was made. He wanted Goofy. My girls had selected Princess Minnie hats that were cone shaped with a bit of tulle flowing from the top and little ears on the sides. Not quite the silhouette I had envisioned.

There I stood, in the middle of the store at a pivotal moment. During those seconds, unknown to anyone else, I was making my choice.

Would I force my fantasy on my children, sacrificing their joy for my Kodak moment?

Would I let go of the fantasy and embrace the reality of who my children are at this stage and what makes them happy, even if it doesn't produce the "ideal" picture that I hoped for?

The decision was made.

The photo was taken.

I smile every time I see it. I couldn't be happier with the memory. Here is the result: